The Unwritten Page

 (The following is a memoir of my experiences as I began to follow Christ about 12 years ago.  Previous to my salvation, I knew nothing about God, Jesus, the Bible or the church.  It is my prayer that my journey would inspire and encourage others.)

“I should turn back,� I thought to myself, “I don’t belong here.�

 Standing in front of the huge white doors, I felt intimidated by the brick structure before me. I was a stranger in a strange land. I felt alone and scared, like a child going to school for the first time.

“What if I am not dressed properly?� I fretted, “What do I say…what do I do?� Paralyzed by my questions, I stood for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, an old couple walked up and pushed by me to go inside. I followed close behind, hoping not to be noticed.

Upon entering, I immediately felt uneasy. It was eerily quiet and everyone was dressed so formally…that was except for me, in my faded blue jeans. I felt oddly enough like I was stuck in that dream…you know… the one where you show up to class naked and spend the whole day trying to figure out how to escape without anyone noticing. I was already planning my escape, sitting near the door that I entered from.

The only light pouring into the room was coming from the sunlight breaking through the artisan’s glass. There was ambient music coming from an old organ in the far corner. It all reminded me of my Grandfather’s funeral and smelled a little bit like it too, which didn’t help one bit.

I wondered if anyone would notice if I just got up and walked back out. However, before I could act on my impulse, the organ music grew louder and everyone stood and began to sing.

As they sang, I looked around and realized that everyone, but me, knew the words to this song.

I stood very uncomfortably and waited for it to end and when it finally did, it was followed by a prayer, which was also spoken by everyone, save one, again.

I began to sweat profusely and mouth along; hoping nobody noticed that I was lip syncing a step behind, you know, like that doomed Milli Vanilli performance…I didn’t want to come off like a fraud, but I definitely did not speak their language and could not for the life of me understand their culture. To say that I felt like a fish out of water was an understatement.

Eventually, a man got up and gave a 45 minute lecture laced with lame jokes (mostly about Baptists) and I had no clue what it was that he was trying to get across, though I am sure he meant well…and at least I didn’t have to try to play along anymore.

“Just nod along,� I told myself.

When it was all over I made my escape. I got away unnoticed and unscathed.

“What am I doing here?� I questioned once more. “God, help me to belong,� I prayed, not yet quite sure of the protocol.

Thus, began my journey, the long journey of an outsider looking for acceptance into the family of God.  

    

This entry was posted on Monday, September 18th, 2006 at 3:56 pm and is filed under Purpose. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.