The Unwritten Page

(The following is a memoir of my experiences as I began to follow Christ about 12 years ago.  Previous to my salvation, I knew nothing about God, Jesus, the Bible or the church.  It is my prayer that my journey would inspire and encourage others.)

 

I had my first taste of alcohol when I was twelve years old.  By the time I was a freshmen in college, I kept two bottles of Captain Morgan’s in the bottom of my dorm room closet, under a pile of clothes.  Each morning I would go to that closet and I would fill a twenty ounce plastic cup half full of rum and half full of Coke.  It usually was enough to last through my 9am math class.  That was my routine. 

And here I found myself, once more sitting at a bar with my buddy.  He ordered a Miller Light and when I ordered a Coke, I felt him staring a hole in me.

“What?� I asked, rather defensively. 

He grabbed his beer as the bartender sat it down in front of him and took a big swig, “Nothing…You’re not drinking with me?� he responded.

I paused…and in that moment I felt extremely awkward.  How do I explain the transformation that was occurring in my life?  I wasn’t exactly sure I understood it all.    However, I tried to explain “I am trying to make some adjustments in my life.�

He rubbed his chin, and continued looking at me with a high degree of skepticism and after a long silence he laughed and came back with, “You know…the Bible doesn’t say it’s wrong to drink.�

I sat silenced by his comment.  Could this be?  I had only been a Christ follower for a few days and I hadn’t gotten to the entire Bible yet…Okay, okay, I didn’t even own a Bible.  What did I know?  But, everything within me was telling me that this was a part of me that I had to give up.

“Well, if you are not gonna drink, let’s get out of here,� he continued.

I sat for a minute, but he was unrelenting. 

“You know, Jesus drank wine,� he kept on. 

I’m sure that was true, but I bet Jesus never ended up naked, puking off a second floor balcony.

All of a sudden I felt our friendship slipping away.

“Just one,� he pressed, “I’ll buy.�

I thought for a moment, “Well I guess one couldn’t hurt.�  So I motioned to the bartender, “Could you make mine a rum and coke please?�

The night went on and one drink led to another.  I felt very much like I was caught in a trap.  I had screwed up again.  Was this the only way I could maintain this friendship? 

The next morning I had to get up early and go to a meeting on campus for a mission trip to Mexico. It would be my first.  We were going to be building a church and I was extremely excited about going.  However I was running very late and feeling a little hung over.  I brushed my teeth several times; because my mouth was saturated with rum (I could still taste it).  I took three Advil and put about four pieces of gum in my mouth and headed to the meeting.

I arrived at the student center and apologized for my tardiness.  I felt like everyone could see right through me.  I felt ashamed, “What if they know?�  I took my seat in the back of the room and listened as we were given last minute instructions and details.

As the leader went over the list of items we should bring, the guy sitting next to me leaned over and said rather sarcastically, “You know you can’t bring liquor, Tommy.�  He laughed and looked away.  I sank deep in my chair.  He looked like one of those guys that were probably born in Sunday school; you know the ones, like they came out of the womb in a nice pressed suit with Bible in hand.  I tried to play it off, but inside I was boiling.  I tried to suppress my desire to punch a hole in this kid.  “Don’t pretend to know me.� I thought angrily.  “Who is he to judge me?�

I didn’t want to be that guy anymore. 

After the meeting ended, I made my way back to my room.  “Can I do this?� I prayed.  “Will I always feel out of place?�  All of a sudden I felt very lonely.  I felt as though I didn’t fit anywhere, not with my old friends and certainly not with this new Christian crowd.  “Where do I go from here?� I continued, “Who is it I’m supposed to be?�  

         

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 25th, 2006 at 10:10 am and is filed under Purpose. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.